My Parent Is Coming Home From Prison: What to Expect

You're Not Alone in This Journey

If you're reading this, your world is probably about to shift in ways that feel both exciting and terrifying. Maybe you've been counting down the days for months or even years. Maybe the release date snuck up on you faster than expected. Either way, having a parent come home from prison brings up feelings that most people in your life probably can't understand. The good news? You're not the first person to walk this path, and you don't have to figure it all out alone.

The night before my dad came home, I couldn't sleep. I kept imagining what it would be like—would he look different? Would he still laugh at the same jokes? Would things go back to "normal," whatever that meant? I'd waited three years for that moment, but suddenly I wasn't sure I was ready. If you're feeling that same mix of excitement, fear, hope, and uncertainty, know that every one of those feelings makes perfect sense.

Having a parent return from prison is complicated in ways that greeting cards and movies don't capture. It's not just about that first hug (though that moment will probably stay with you forever). It's about navigating a relationship that's been on pause while both of you continued growing and changing. It's about adjusting to a new family dynamic when everyone's gotten used to functioning without this person physically present. And yes, it's about dealing with the practical stuff too—where they'll live, how they'll find work, and what role they'll play in your daily life.

The Emotional Roller Coaster Is Real

Let's start with what nobody warns you about: you might feel angry at the very person you've been desperately missing. This doesn't make you a bad person or mean you don't love your parent. It means you're human, and you've been carrying a heavy load. Maybe you're angry about the choices they made that led to prison. Maybe you're upset about birthdays and holidays they missed. Or maybe you're frustrated that now, just when you've figured out how to cope without them, everything has to change again.

These conflicting emotions can feel overwhelming. One moment you might be planning all the things you want to do together, and the next you might find yourself pulling away, afraid to get too close in case they leave again. Some days you might feel protective of the life you've built without them, while other days you desperately want to turn back time and pretend none of this ever happened. Research from the past decade has consistently shown that children of incarcerated parents often experience what psychologists call "ambiguous loss"—grieving someone who's alive but absent. When that person returns, all those unprocessed feelings can surface at once.

The truth is, there's no "right" way to feel about your parent coming home. You might cycle through joy, resentment, hope, fear, and indifference all in the same day—or even the same hour. Your friends might not understand why you're not simply thrilled. They might say things like "You must be so happy!" when inside you're feeling anything but simple happiness. Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up without judging yourself for it. Your emotions are valid responses to an incredibly complex situation.

Expectations vs. Reality: Preparing for the Adjustment

If you've been imagining your parent's homecoming, you've probably created some pictures in your mind of how it will go. Maybe you've imagined family dinners like you used to have, or your parent cheering at your games, or just having someone to talk to about your day. These hopes are beautiful and worth holding onto, but it's also important to prepare yourself for a more gradual adjustment than you might expect.

Your parent has been living in an environment with strict rules, limited choices, and a very different daily rhythm than life on the outside. Simple things that you take for granted—like choosing what to eat for breakfast or deciding when to go to bed—haven't been options for them. The grocery store might feel overwhelming with its endless aisles and choices. Technology has probably changed since they went away; smartphones, apps, and social media might be completely foreign or dramatically different from what they remember. They might seem anxious about things that seem simple to you, or they might need time alone when you're craving connection.

Remember: Rebuilding Takes Time

Your relationship with your parent won't immediately pick up where it left off—and that's okay. You've both changed during the time apart. Getting to know each other again is a process, not a single moment. Be patient with them and with yourself as you both adjust to this new chapter.

The parent who comes home might seem different from the one who left. Prison changes people, sometimes in visible ways and sometimes in ways that only show up in quiet moments. They might be more cautious, more anxious, or more rigid about routines. They might have developed habits that seem strange to you—like hoarding food or being hypervigilant about time. These aren't character flaws; they're adaptations to an environment where such behaviors made sense. Understanding this can help you respond with compassion rather than frustration when these moments arise.

Navigating Changed Family Dynamics

While your parent was away, your family found ways to function without them physically present. Maybe your other parent or guardian took on all the parenting duties. Maybe you stepped up and took on responsibilities beyond your years. Maybe grandparents, aunts, uncles, or family friends filled some of the gaps. These adaptations weren't just temporary fixes—they became your family's new normal. Now, with your parent returning, everyone needs to figure out how to make space for them again, and that process can feel awkward or even threatening to the stability you've created.

If you've been living with another parent or guardian, they might have their own complicated feelings about this homecoming. They might be protective of you, worried about disruption, or dealing with their own hurt and resentment. You might feel caught in the middle, wanting to be loyal to the person who's been there for you while also wanting to reconnect with your returning parent. These divided loyalties are exhausting, and you shouldn't have to manage adult emotions or mediate between the adults in your life. If you find yourself in this position, remember that the adults' feelings are their responsibility to manage, not yours.

Your siblings, if you have them, might react completely differently than you do. One might be eager to reconnect while another keeps their distance. One might act out in ways that seem designed to test whether your parent will leave again. Age differences play a huge role here—a sibling who was very young when your parent left might have few or no memories of them, while you might remember everything vividly. These different responses can create tension between siblings who usually support each other. Try to remember that there's no right or wrong way to handle this transition, and everyone in your family needs space to process it in their own way.

The Practical Stuff That Nobody Talks About

Beyond all the emotional complexity, there are practical realities to navigate. Where will your parent live? This question alone can be surprisingly complicated. They might move back into your family home, which can feel wonderful and strange at the same time. Your bedroom might have been their office before they left, or vice versa. The house might be arranged completely differently. If they're living somewhere else, you might wonder how often you'll see them and who decides the schedule.

Money is often tight when someone first comes home from prison. Your parent might struggle to find work, especially if they have to check the box indicating a criminal record on job applications. They might take a job that seems beneath their skills or education level, simply because it's what's available. Watching them face rejection after rejection can be painful, and you might feel angry at a world that seems determined to keep punishing them even after they've served their time. Some families face tough choices about financial priorities, and you might notice stress around money that affects everyone's mood.

Transportation can be another challenge. If your parent lost their driver's license or simply hasn't driven in years, they might depend on others to get around. This can affect their ability to find work, attend required appointments, or simply be present for your activities. You might find yourself feeling frustrated when they can't make it to your events, even though you understand the reasons. These practical limitations can feel like another form of absence, even though they're physically free.

Building a New Relationship

One of the hardest truths to accept is that you can't simply resume the relationship you had before your parent went to prison. Too much has happened, too much time has passed, and both of you have changed. Instead of trying to recapture what was, focus on building something new. This might feel like a loss at first—grieving the relationship you wish you could have had—but it can also be an opportunity to create something that fits who you both are now.

Start small. You don't need to have deep, meaningful conversations right away. Sometimes the most powerful bonding happens over small, shared experiences. Maybe it's teaching them how to use a new app on their phone. Maybe it's watching a TV show together that premiered while they were away. Maybe it's cooking a meal side by side or taking a walk around the neighborhood. These ordinary moments give you both a chance to get comfortable with each other again without the pressure of addressing everything that's happened.

Creating Connection: Small Steps That Matter

• Share something you're interested in now—music, sports, hobbies you've developed

• Ask about their daily routine in prison (if they're comfortable sharing)

• Create new traditions that belong to your present, not your past

• Be honest about your boundaries and respect theirs

• Remember that trust is rebuilt through consistent small actions over time

Be prepared for awkward moments. Your parent might not know how to relate to the person you've become. They might still see you as the age you were when they left, not recognizing that you've grown and matured. They might try to parent you in ways that no longer fit, or they might be so uncertain of their role that they barely try at all. You might reference events, people, or inside jokes that exclude them, not meaning to but highlighting all the life that happened in their absence. These moments will happen, and they'll sting for both of you. The key is not to avoid them but to move through them with as much grace as you can muster.

Dealing with the Outside World

Your family's journey doesn't happen in isolation. You'll need to navigate how to handle questions, comments, and reactions from people outside your immediate family. Some people will be supportive and understanding. Others might be judgmental, curious in invasive ways, or simply uncomfortable with the topic. You might have kept your parent's incarceration private from some people, and now you're faced with decisions about what to share and with whom.

At school, you might wonder whether to tell teachers or counselors about your changing family situation. Some educators will respond with extra support and understanding, while others might make assumptions about you or your family that feel unfair. You have the right to share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with, and you don't owe anyone your family's story. If you do choose to share with trusted adults at school, they might be able to provide support or accommodations during this adjustment period.

Friends can be particularly tricky to navigate. Some might think it's cool or exciting, not understanding the complex emotions you're experiencing. Others might pull away, influenced by their own families' attitudes about people with criminal records. You might find yourself gravitating toward friends who have similar experiences or who simply accept your situation without judgment. True friends will give you space to feel whatever you're feeling without trying to fix it or minimize it.

Taking Care of Yourself Through the Transition

With so much focus on your parent's return and everyone's adjustment, it's easy to push your own needs to the background. But this transition will go more smoothly if you're taking care of yourself along the way. This isn't selfish—it's necessary. You can't pour from an empty cup, and everyone in your family will benefit if you're managing your own stress and emotions in healthy ways.

Find outlets that help you process everything you're experiencing. This might be journaling, where you can write honestly about your feelings without worrying about anyone else's reactions. It might be physical activity that helps you release tension and stress. It might be creative expression through art, music, or other hobbies. Some teens find it helpful to connect with others who have similar experiences, whether through support groups or online communities where you can share without judgment.

When to Seek Extra Support

While adjustment challenges are normal, some signs indicate you might benefit from professional support: persistent depression or anxiety, significant changes in eating or sleeping patterns, declining grades, substance use, or thoughts of self-harm. If you're experiencing any of these, please reach out to a trusted adult, counselor, or therapist. Your wellbeing matters, and seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Don't forget that it's okay to maintain parts of your life that are separate from your family situation. You're allowed to have spaces where you're just yourself, not "the kid whose parent was in prison." Whether it's sports, clubs, work, or friendships, these areas of your life can provide stability and identity beyond your family circumstances. Maintaining these connections and activities isn't disloyal to your returning parent—it's a healthy way to ensure your whole life doesn't revolve around their transition.

Hope for the Future

As challenging as this time might be, it's important to remember that many families successfully navigate this transition and come out stronger on the other side. The relationship you build with your parent might be different from what you imagined, but different doesn't mean worse. Some young people find that going through this experience together creates a bond based on honesty, resilience, and mutual respect that might not have developed otherwise.

Recent studies have shown that one of the strongest predictors of successful reentry is family support—but that support doesn't mean you have to be perfect or pretend everything is fine when it's not. Real support includes honest conversations, healthy boundaries, and space for everyone to adjust at their own pace. Your willingness to even consider rebuilding this relationship is already a powerful form of support, even on the days when it feels impossibly hard.

Remember too that this adjustment period won't last forever. The intensity of these early months will settle into new rhythms and routines. The awkwardness will fade as you all get more comfortable with each other. The person who seems like a stranger now might become one of your closest confidants in time. Or they might not—and that's okay too. You get to decide what kind of relationship feels right for you, and that relationship is allowed to evolve as you both continue growing and changing.

Your story is still being written, and this homecoming is just one chapter—an important one, but not the final one. You've already survived your parent's absence, which took incredible strength. That same strength will carry you through this transition, even when it feels overwhelming. Trust yourself, be patient with the process, and remember that you don't have to have it all figured out right away.

At Out of the Ashes, we understand the unique challenges families face during reentry because we've walked alongside hundreds of families on this journey. Our programs are designed to support both you and your parent through this transition, offering everything from practical resources to emotional support groups where you can connect with other young people who truly understand what you're going through. You don't have to navigate this path alone—we're here to help your family not just survive this transition but build something beautiful from it. Because just like a phoenix rises from the ashes, families can emerge from the challenges of incarceration stronger and more connected than ever before.