What To Do When You Parent Gets Arrested

Finding out your parent has been arrested can feel like the ground just fell out from under you. Maybe you watched it happen, maybe someone called to tell you, or maybe you came home and they just weren't there. However you found out, you're probably scared, confused, and don't know what to do next.

Take a deep breath. You're going to get through this. While this is one of the hardest things that can happen to a family, there are specific steps you can take right now to help yourself and possibly help your parent too.

First 24 Hours: Immediate Steps

If you witnessed the arrest and are alone:

1. Stay calm and safe: Don't interfere with the arrest, even if you're upset
2. Call a trusted adult immediately: Relative, family friend, or neighbor you trust
3. If you're under 18 and have no one to call: Tell the officers you need help finding a safe place to stay
4. Write down details: Time, location, officer badge numbers if possible

Whether you saw the arrest happen or found out later, here's what you need to do in the first 24 hours:

1. Make Sure You're Safe

• Find immediate shelter: Stay with relatives, close family friends, or trusted neighbors
• If you have siblings: Try to keep everyone together if possible
• Contact other family: Call grandparents, aunts, uncles, or other relatives who can help
• Don't stay alone: Even if you're a teenager, having adult support right now is crucial

2. Find Out Where Your Parent Is

• Call local jails: Start with the county jail in the area where they were arrested
• Use online booking systems: Many jails have websites where you can search for recent arrests
• Ask the arresting agency: Call the police department that made the arrest
• Get their booking number: This is like an ID number that helps you find information about them

Information you'll need when calling:

• Your parent's full legal name
• Date of birth
• Approximate time and location of arrest

3. Learn Basic Information

Once you find where your parent is being held, try to find out:

• What charges they're facing: This helps you understand how serious the situation is
• If they have a court date set: This tells you when decisions might be made
• Bail amount (if any): This is money that might get them released while waiting for court
• Visiting schedule: When and how you might be able to see them

If you're in immediate danger or have nowhere safe to go:

• 911: For emergency help
• 211: For local emergency shelter and services
• National Runaway Safeline: 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929)
• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

Understanding What Happens Next

The legal process can be confusing, but here's what typically happens after someone is arrested:

Booking Process

• Your parent will be photographed and fingerprinted
• Personal belongings will be stored
• They'll be given a booking number and assigned to a cell
• This process can take several hours

First Court Appearance

• Usually happens within 24-72 hours of arrest
• A judge will read the charges
• Bail might be set (money needed for release)
• A lawyer might be appointed if they can't afford one

Possible Outcomes

• Released on bail: They come home but have to return for court
• Released on own recognizance: They promise to return for court (no money needed)
• Held until trial: They stay in jail if bail is denied or too expensive
• Charges dropped: Sometimes charges are dismissed quickly

Taking Care of Immediate Needs

School and Work

• Tell a trusted teacher or counselor: They can provide support and understanding
• If you have a job: Consider telling your supervisor you're dealing with a family emergency
• Keep going to school: Routine helps, and you'll need adult support
• Ask for help with homework: It's hard to concentrate right now, and that's normal

Money and Bills

• Find important documents: Look for checkbooks, bill statements, insurance papers
• Contact family: Ask relatives if they can help with immediate expenses
• Look for emergency assistance: Local churches, food banks, and community organizations often help
• If your parent pays bills online: Try to find login information or ask a trusted adult to help

Don't panic about money immediately. Most bills can wait a few days while you figure things out. Focus on food, shelter, and getting to school first.

Communicating With Your Parent

Phone Calls

• They can usually call you: Jails typically allow collect calls
• Calls are expensive: Often $1-3 per minute
• Calls are monitored: Don't discuss the case details over the phone
• Set up a calling schedule: Ask when the best times to call are

What to Talk About

• That you're safe and where you're staying
• How you're feeling (it's okay to be honest)
• School and daily life updates
• That you love them (if you do)
• Avoid: Details about their case, anything that might be evidence

Dealing With Your Emotions

Having a parent arrested is traumatic. You might be feeling:

• Shock and disbelief: "This can't be real"
• Fear: About what happens next, about money, about safety
• Anger: At your parent, at the police, at the situation
• Embarrassment: Worrying about what others will think
• Guilt: Wondering if you could have prevented it
• Sadness: Missing your parent and the way things were

All of these feelings are normal. There's no "right" way to feel when this happens. Be patient with yourself as you process this.

Getting Legal Help

If Your Parent Doesn't Have a Lawyer

• Public defender: If they can't afford a lawyer, one will be appointed
• Legal aid societies: Provide free or low-cost legal help
• Bar association referrals: Your state bar association can recommend attorneys
• Payment plans: Some lawyers work with families on payment arrangements

Questions to Ask the Lawyer

• What are the charges and what do they mean?
• What's the likely timeline for the case?
• What are the possible outcomes?
• How can the family help with the case?
• What should we avoid doing or saying?

What NOT to Do

Important things to avoid:

• Don't try to hide evidence or tamper with anything related to the case
• Don't lie to police if they ask you questions (but you can say you want a lawyer present)
• Don't discuss the case details on social media or with people who don't need to know
• Don't take on adult responsibilities you're not ready for - ask for help
• Don't blame yourself - your parent's choices are not your fault

Planning for Different Scenarios

If Your Parent Is Released Quickly

• They might have court dates to attend
• There could be conditions like not leaving town
• You'll need to process what happened together
• Consider family counseling to work through the trauma

If Your Parent Stays in Jail

• You'll need stable living arrangements
• Someone will need to handle bills and responsibilities
• You'll want to establish regular communication
• You might need to prepare for a longer separation

Building Your Support Network

People who can help:

• Family members: Grandparents, aunts, uncles, adult siblings
• Family friends: Adults your parent trusts
• School counselors: Trained to help kids through crises
• Teachers: Can provide academic support and understanding
• Religious leaders: If your family is part of a faith community
• Social workers: Can connect you with resources and services
• Mental health counselors: To help process the emotional impact

Resources for Immediate Help

Crisis Support

• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988
• Teen Line: 1-800-852-8336 (6-10 PM Pacific)

Basic Needs

• 211: Dial for local food, shelter, and emergency services
• Salvation Army: Emergency assistance programs
• Local food banks: Free food assistance
• Churches and community centers: Often provide emergency help

Legal Resources

• Legal Aid Society: Free legal help for low-income families
• State Bar Association: Lawyer referral services
• Public Defender's Office: Court-appointed attorneys

Remember: This Too Shall Pass

Right now, everything probably feels overwhelming and scary. That's completely understandable. Being arrested doesn't mean your parent is a bad person, and it doesn't mean your family is broken forever.

Many families go through this and come out stronger on the other side. Some arrests lead to quick releases and resolved situations. Others begin longer journeys that families navigate together with support and resources.

What matters most right now is that you're safe and you're not alone. Reach out to trusted adults, accept help when it's offered, and remember that you don't have to figure everything out immediately.

Take things one day at a time. Focus on today's needs, and let tomorrow worry about itself. You're stronger than you know, and there are people who want to help you through this.

If this guide has been helpful and you need ongoing support navigating this difficult time, consider reaching out to Out of the Ashes for programs specifically designed to help families through the challenges of incarceration and reentry.