How to Visit a Parent in Prison: A Step-by-Step Guide
Visiting a parent in prison can feel overwhelming, especially if it's your first time. You might be nervous about what to expect, worried about doing something wrong, or unsure how the whole process works. These feelings are completely normal.
The good news is that once you understand the process, visiting becomes much easier. Most prisons have systems in place specifically to help families stay connected, and the staff are used to working with people who are visiting for the first time.
Before You Start: Understanding Prison Visits
Prison visits are different from visiting someone in a hospital or at home. There are security procedures, specific rules, and advance planning required. But don't let this discourage you – millions of family members successfully visit their loved ones in prison every year.
Most prisons offer several types of visits. Contact visits allow you to sit at a table with your parent, hug at the beginning and end, and sometimes hold hands during the visit. Non-contact visits happen behind glass with communication through phones. Some facilities also offer video visits that you can do from home, though these usually supplement rather than replace in-person visits.
Important to know: Every prison has different rules, schedules, and procedures. What works at one facility might be completely different at another. Always check with the specific prison where your parent is housed.
Step 1: Getting on the Visitor List
Before you can visit, you must be approved and added to your parent's visitor list. This process can take anywhere from a few days to several weeks, so start as soon as possible.
The Application Process:
Your parent will need to request a visitor application form and send it to you, or you can often find these forms on the prison's website. The application will ask for personal information including your full name, address, date of birth, Social Security number, and relationship to the inmate.
You'll also need to provide a recent photo – usually a passport-style photo that meets specific requirements. Some prisons are very particular about photo specifications, so read the guidelines carefully.
Most facilities run background checks on potential visitors. Having a criminal record doesn't automatically disqualify you, but certain types of convictions might. The prison will notify you if your application is approved or denied.
The waiting period can be frustrating, especially when you're eager to see your parent. Use this time to familiarize yourself with the prison's rules and procedures, plan your travel if the prison is far away, and prepare emotionally for the visit.
Step 2: Planning Your Visit
Once you're approved, you can schedule your visit. Most prisons have specific visiting days and hours, often weekends and some weekday evenings. Popular times fill up quickly, so try to schedule as far in advance as possible.
Many facilities now use online scheduling systems, while others require phone calls during specific hours. Some still operate on a first-come, first-served basis where you simply show up during visiting hours. Check the prison's website or call to understand their specific system.
Planning Tips: Consider visiting on less popular days if your schedule allows. Weekday visits often have shorter wait times and a calmer atmosphere. If you're traveling from far away, remember that visits can be cancelled due to lockdowns, emergencies, or bad weather, so try to build flexibility into your plans.
Step 3: What to Wear and Bring
Prison dress codes are strictly enforced, and wearing the wrong thing can result in being turned away at the door. While specific rules vary, most facilities prohibit clothing that resembles staff uniforms (khaki, blue, or green depending on the facility), revealing clothing, and certain colors that might be associated with gangs.
Generally safe choices include solid-colored shirts, pants or long skirts, and closed-toe shoes. Avoid anything with excessive zippers, metal, or decorative elements that might set off metal detectors. Don't wear expensive jewelry or bring valuables.
What NOT to bring: Cell phones, cameras, large purses, food, gum, cigarettes, medication (unless pre-approved), or anything made of glass. Most prisons provide lockers for items you can't bring inside, but these fill up quickly and cost money.
Bring your government-issued photo ID and any paperwork the prison requires. Some facilities want to see your visitor approval letter, while others just need your ID. Bring exact change for vending machines if the prison allows them – these machines often provide the only way to buy snacks or drinks during your visit.
Step 4: The Day of Your Visit
Plan to arrive early, especially for your first visit. The check-in process can take time, and you'll want to avoid feeling rushed. If you're driving, ask about parking – some prisons have limited visitor parking or specific areas where visitors must park.
The Check-In Process:
You'll start at the visitor entrance, which is usually separate from other entrances. Present your ID and any required paperwork. Staff will verify that you're on the approved visitor list and that your visit is properly scheduled.
Next comes the security screening, which is similar to airport security but often more thorough. You'll walk through metal detectors, and your belongings will be searched. Some facilities use drug-detecting dogs or require visitors to walk through advanced scanning equipment.
After security, you'll typically wait in a holding area until your visit is called. This wait can be anywhere from a few minutes to an hour or more, depending on how busy the facility is and how many visitors are processing through.
Step 5: During the Visit
When your visit is called, staff will escort you to the visiting room. Your parent will usually arrive shortly after you're seated. Most facilities allow a brief hug at the beginning of the visit and another at the end.
The visiting room environment varies by facility. Some are large, open rooms with many tables, while others have smaller, more private spaces. There will always be correctional officers present, though they generally give families space to talk privately as long as everyone follows the rules.
Conversation flows more naturally when you come prepared with things to talk about. Share news about family, friends, school, work, or community events. Ask your parent about their daily routine, any programs they're involved in, or books they've been reading. Bringing recent photos (if allowed) gives you something concrete to share and discuss.
Making the most of your time: Visits often feel both too long and too short. Don't feel pressure to fill every moment with deep conversation. Sometimes just sitting together quietly is meaningful. Remember that your parent may be nervous too, especially if they haven't had visitors in a while.
Physical contact rules vary but are always limited. Typically, you can hold hands across the table and exchange that initial and final hug. Some facilities allow brief kisses on the cheek. Anything more intimate is usually prohibited and can result in the visit being terminated.
Common Challenges and How to Handle Them
Your first visit might not go exactly as planned, and that's okay. You might feel emotional seeing your parent in a prison uniform and institutional setting. The environment can feel cold or intimidating. These reactions are normal and usually get easier with subsequent visits.
Sometimes visits get cancelled at the last minute due to facility lockdowns, emergencies, or scheduling conflicts. This is incredibly frustrating, especially if you've traveled far, but it's part of the prison system reality. Having backup plans and maintaining flexibility helps manage this disappointment.
You might find conversation difficult at first. The artificial environment, time pressure, and presence of other families can make natural interaction challenging. Don't worry if the first visit feels awkward – relationships often need time to adjust to the prison visiting context.
If problems arise: If you experience issues with staff, other visitors, or facility policies, stay calm and polite. Ask to speak with a supervisor if necessary, but avoid confrontation during your visit. You can always file formal complaints later if needed.
Special Considerations for Young Visitors
If you're under 18, you might need additional paperwork or adult supervision, depending on the facility's policies and your relationship to the inmate. Some prisons have special family visiting programs that provide more child-friendly environments with toys, games, or longer visiting hours.
Preparing younger siblings or children for the experience helps them feel more comfortable. Explain what to expect in age-appropriate terms: that there will be security checks, that Daddy or Mommy will be wearing different clothes, and that there are special rules everyone has to follow.
Building a Visiting Routine
Regular visits help maintain family bonds and provide stability for both you and your parent. However, visiting is emotionally and financially demanding, so create a sustainable schedule that works for your life circumstances.
Consider coordinating with other family members to share the visiting responsibilities. This ensures your parent has regular contact while preventing any one person from becoming overwhelmed. Some families rotate weekly visits, while others coordinate around holidays or special occasions.
After each visit, take time to: Process your emotions, update other family members about how the visit went, plan for the next visit, and take care of your own emotional needs. Visiting a loved one in prison can be draining, and self-care is important.
When Visits Aren't Possible
Sometimes regular visiting isn't feasible due to distance, work schedules, financial constraints, or health issues. This doesn't mean you're abandoning your parent or that your relationship can't continue.
Many families maintain strong connections through phone calls, letters, emails (where available), and video visits. Some prisons offer virtual visiting programs that allow face-to-face communication through computers. While these don't replace in-person visits entirely, they provide valuable ways to stay connected between visits or when visiting isn't possible.
Taking Care of Yourself
Visiting a parent in prison is emotionally complex. You might feel sad seeing them in that environment, frustrated with the restrictions and procedures, or guilty that you can't visit more often. You might also feel grateful for the time together and hope about maintaining your relationship.
All of these feelings are valid and normal. Consider talking to a counselor, trusted friend, or support group about your experiences. Many communities have support groups specifically for families of incarcerated individuals.
Remember that staying connected with your parent through visits is a gift to both of you, but it's not your responsibility to fix their situation or manage their emotions. Take care of your own needs first, and don't feel guilty if you need to take breaks from visiting sometimes.
Every visit is a step toward maintaining your relationship during this difficult time. Even imperfect visits where everything doesn't go smoothly are valuable because they show your commitment to staying connected.
If you're looking for additional support navigating family relationships during incarceration, Out of the Ashes offers programs and resources designed to help families maintain healthy connections and prepare for successful reunification.
